S I G N S   O F
                                L I F E :
                      Mental Touchstones for the
                        Warrior of the Spirit

                                  by:
                            K. Bradford Brown

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                            AUTHOR'S PREFACE

The sequence in this book expresses the progress of my own inner journey.

This is not the story of a disciple, or a guru. It records the early stages on
a path of inner development, a personal experience of the work of becoming a
warrior of the spirit. These pieces now act for me as a spark for further
thinking and reflection, for a kind of inner magical probing.

They come with an invitation to step onto that path, and probe its meanings as
they relate to the meanings of your own life.

All the thoughts in this book are my own, yet the ideas of many people are
inherent in each sentence. I acknowledge my teachers, family, and the many
friends who will recognise their contribution to the spirit of these pages. 

A very special acknowledgement is due to David Templer and Maggie Spooner for
the energy and vision which has brought these books to publication.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                       I N T R O D U C T I O N

MENTAL TOUCHSTONES FOR THE WARRIOR OF THE SPIRIT. In this final volume, the
author develops his vision of the life of the spiritual warrior.

This does not involve aprocess of detachment, or a philosophical withdrawal
into a separate world, or even a rejection of the values of the world.

Rather, it involves a special kind of engagement with those values, a
commitment to living fully and unconditionally in the everyday, to honouring
what the theologian Martin Buber has called 'the holy treasure of our
actuality'.

In a sense, a spiritual warrior battles with the very idea of 'spirituality'
itself, and with every system of ideas or ritual behaviour that mitigates or
conditions our experience of life.

What is fundamental is the encounter with the truth of each occurrence and of
every occasion, and the necessity of meeting that encounter with the whole of
one's being.

To be willing to take a stand against the lies, fictions and projections of the
mind is also to take a stand for an intimately lived relationship with the
reality of each moment, and for a whole and undiminished response.

Through this lived relationship, the true spirit of a person can develop.

A spiritual warrior confronts the lies of the world with the truths of the
heart, and in this struggle, the sacred gift of our humanity is revealed.

As the author has written:

       "Our humanity
           and our divinity
                are married,
                     when we are ourselves."


David Templer

                                 *****

                             I am indebted to
                           the following mentors

We shall not cease from exploration
   And the end of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started,
   And know the place for the first time.
                      --TS Eliot

It is not a life that we live,
   it is a life that want to live in us

It is not a life that we lead
   It is a life that wants to lead us

It is not a life we create
   with our facts and feelings,

It is life as a gift we need only
   to open ourselves to receive.
                      --Parker Palmer-- A Quaker

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                            M O V E M E N T S

                                   3

                          We live at the
                            edge of consciousness,

                            seldom noticing
                                what is going on
                                      outside of us
                                             or within.

                          It is a waking sleep
                               to be
                                   overcome.

                                 ******

                                   4

                         We
                          forget
                              who
                                we
                                 are,
                          but
                             we
                               are
                                  not
                                    forgotten.

                          Every breath,
                                 every heart beat
                                       calls out
                                            from within.
                          Every sound
                             every touch
                                 calls
                                      from without:
                          Wake up!

                                *******

                                   5

                            When I
                              make a move
                                  within
                              the whole
                                  cosmos makes
                                     a shift.

                            I can feel it...
                                         somehow.

                                *******

                                   6

                          I am.
                             You are.
                                Life is.

                          I don't have
                             to know
                                 a
                                  lot
                                     more.

                                *******

                                   7

                             One
                               of
                                my
                                 hopes
                                     for
                                        me
                                          is
                                            you.

                                *******

                                   8

                             Your whole
                              life is like
                                  playing a game
                              of hide and
                                  seek.

                             The goal
                                is for you
                                    to find
                                        yourself.

                                *******

                                   9

                            The short cut
                              in this work
                                  is probably
                              the long way around.

                                *******

                                   10

                         The question
                            of trusting you
                                with me
                                   is not it.

                         The question
                            of trusting me
                                with you
                                   is.

                         Given you
                            and me
                               that is
                                   an act
                                       of faith.

                                *******

                                   11

                   When
                       I live
                           through my most
                               noble intentions
                   I am
                       literally
                            pulled
                                through life.

                                *******

                                   12

                              All
                                you have
                                   to give up
                                   is
                                   what doesn't work,
                                and
                                   it's not that much.

                                *******

                                   13

                   Did I
                     create myself
                         ready
                             for this path?

                   Or,
                     was it
                         that last
                              kick
                                 in the pants?

                                *******

                                   14

                      No
                        is
                          not
                             a
                              dirty
                                   word.
                      It
                        has
                           cleared
                             up
                               many
                                 a
                                  dirty
                                      mess
                          and
                            prevented more.

                                *******

                                   15

                           I don't want
                               to be good
                                   or perfect.


                           I'll settle
                               for being
                                   graceful.

                                *******

                                   16

                       Practice,
                           Practice,
                               Practice.

                       I hated it then.

                       I hate it now,
                           until
                               I remember
                                   my last
                                      sonata.

                                *******

                                   17

                     I can live
                        without expectations.

                        It looks like
                             changing them
                                 to preferences.

                                *******

                                   18

                           Telling you the truth
                               about us
                                  is relieving.

                           Telling you the truth
                               about me
                                  is a
                                     little death.

                                *******

                                   19

                      I get
                         in trouble
                             communicating
                         when
                             I forget
                                that people
                             have minds
                                like mine.

                                *******

                                   20

                        We are always
                           taking a stand
                               about something.

                        Every event requires it.

                        The question is
                            did we notice
                               the stand
                                      we took?

                                *******

                                   21

                       When
                         everything
                             else
                                 fails
                         stop
                             what
                                 you
                                   are
                                      doing
                                         to
                                           correct
                                             it.

                          That's
                             probably
                                the
                                   problem.

                                *******

                                   22

                             Fear
                               is nothing
                                   to be
                                      afraid of.

                             I made it up.

                                 ******

                                   23

                          Warrior's slogan:

                          "Here be
                             no dragons."

                                *******

                                   24

                          Freedom is
                            what I thought
                                it wasn't...

                            being totally
                               harnessed
                                   to the ebb
                                       and flow
                                          of everything.

                                *******

                                   25

                       I choose
                            to live
                                 my life
                       as if
                            I were choosing
                                for the
                                    whole
                                        world.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                        E X P L O R A T I O N S

                                   29

                        The spiritual warrior
                              does battle with . . . ?

                        That is
                           the warrior's battle.

                                *******

                                   30

                        In life
                           there is death.

                        In death
                           there is life.

                        When this
                           we rightly know
                              safely
                                  through the world
                                      we go.

                                *******

                                   31

                            God
                              never makes it
                                  easy
                              for anyone
                                  or
                              hard either.

                                *******

                                   32

                          To experience
                            my experience
                                 is my
                                    most elusive
                                        experience.
                          When I do
                            I enter a difference
                                within myself
                                       which
                                can only be described
                                       as
                                  o - o - o - h.

                                *******

                                   33

                          When
                            "it"
                               happens
                                  a
                                   crystalline
                                            sound
                               announces
                                    its
                                       prescence,
                            and
                               silence
                                    its
                                       departure.

                                *******

                                   34

                             What you
                               seek today
                                   is not it.
                             What you
                               seek tomorrow
                                   is not it.
                             No matter.

                             You have been sought
                               and that
                                   matters
                                      ultimately.

                                *******

                                   35

                         It is time
                             to enter
                                 the dragon's lair
                                     and slay
                                          the
                                             lie.

                                *******

                                   36

                            Forgiving others
                               is an act
                                   of will.

                            Forgiving yourself
                               is an act
                                   of God.

                                *******

                                   37

                          My spiritual friend
                            accepts me
                                as I am,
                            and empowers me
                                to be more
                            than I think
                                I can be.

                                *******

                                   38

                          The road to hell
                            isn't paved
                                  with
                                    good intentions,
                            but
                               with distractions
                                    from the path
                                       of intention.

                                *******

                                   39

                   That we shall
                     rise from the dead
                          is no idle promise.

                          It is going on
                               every moment
                                     around us.

                                *******

                                   40

                       The important changes
                          are going on
                             in spite of you.

                       That doesn't change
                          your responsibility
                             to do your work.

                                *******

                                   41

                     The unexamined mind
                       slays the best
                           in us
                       while the best in us
                           harnesses
                       the powers of the mind
                           to be aligned
                               with the
                                   cosmos.

                                *******

                                   42

                        It is not
                           that God is
                               powerful.

                        It is
                           that He is
                               holy
                           that makes
                               the difference.

                                *******

                                   43

                       Sacrifice means
                           to make a thing
                               holy.

                       I always thought
                           it meant
                               to suffer.

                                *******

                                   44

                          A clear mind
                             is a warrior's
                                 beginning
                                    and
                                      end.

                          The rest
                             is up to
                                 what comes
                                    next.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                         D I S C O V E R I E S

                                   49

                         I looked
                             for God
                                 everywhere
                         until
                             I noticed
                                 God found
                                    me
                             everywhere
                                    I looked.

                                *******

                                   50

                               Warrior's
                                   tonic:

                               Large doses
                                      of gratitude.

                                *******

                                   51

                           Life is
                              very subtle.

                           It looks
                               like itself
                                   when it
                                      comes to
                                         you.

                           That is why
                               you often
                                   don't get
                                      the message.

                                *******

                                   52

                            Claiming the dark times
                              as Grace
                              is the work
                              most of us
                                 fail to do.

                            That is the reason
                              there is
                                 so much
                                    darkness.

                            We need
                              the practice.

                                *******

                                   53

                         God
                           is that
                                which comes to us
                                from out of the
                                unknown
                         with
                           the gifts
                                 of life.

                                *******

                                   54

                             That we
                               think we know
                                   how
                               anything ought to be
                                   is
                               killing us, slowly.

                                *******

                                   55

                        Take your
                          destiny
                              as seriously
                                  as if
                                     you
                                  had a gun
                              at
                                 your
                                    head.

                                *******

                                   56

                              Judgements kill.

                              When I make
                                     myself
                                     or
                                     others
                                     wrong
                                something dies.

                              It used
                                  to be called
                                      charity.

                                *******

                                   57

                        Noticing
                          the disparity
                                 between
                                    what we say
                                      and
                                    what we do
                          is the first sign
                                   of hope.

                                *******

                                   58

                             The multitudinous
                                  churches
                               mean well.

                             They just forgot
                                     what they
                                            mean.

                                *******

                                   59

                      I have
                        found
                           the
                              enemy,
                      and
                         he
                           is not
                                 me,
                                    nor
                                       he.

                                *******

                                   60

                          When I am I
                               and
                           you are you
                                  we resonate
                                    like
                                       a
                                   tuning fork.

                                *******

                                   61

                        Have you
                           found one person
                               to whom
                                   you can
                            tell the whole
                                 truth
                                     about
                                        you?
                        If not,
                             what
                                are
                                   you
                                      hiding
                                   and
                                      why?

                                *******

                                   62

                           The fear
                              of humiliation
                                  is
                                    pride's
                                         bed
                                           partner.

                                *******

                                   63

                          Your results
                            are,
                               in fact,
                            your
                               true
                                   intentions.

                                *******

                                   64

                          Given the lies
                            we live,
                               there is only
                                    one explanation
                                         why we survive:

                            the absolute
                               love of God
                            which sustains us . . .
                                   in
                                     spite
                                         of
                                           ourselves.

                                *******

                                   65

                        Fortunately,
                            we
                              may
                                 only
                                     see
                                        the
                                           path,
                            and
                               not
                                  the
                                     whole
                                        journey.

                                *******

                                   66

                          Anger
                               is
                                 a
                                   furnished
                                         room
                             always
                                waiting
                                   to
                                     be
                                       occupied.

                                *******

                                   67

                          You're
                              uncomfortable?

                          So what?

                          Go tell it
                              to the stars.

                          See if
                              they move.

                                *******

                                   68

                             Spiritual work
                               is what
                                   a warrior does
                               to make
                                   himself think
                               that he is
                                   doing something
                             So that
                               something
                                   can be done
                               in spite of him.

                                *******

                                   69

                        The lone spiritual
                             warrior
                         is
                           a
                            lonely
                               spiritual
                                     warrior.

                                *******

                                   70

                            Faith
                              often looks like
                                     willingness
                                        to hang in
                              doing what
                                    you are doing
                              and being
                                  what you are being
                                         right now.

                                *******

                                   71

                    The experience of Jesus
                      is the
                           difference
                               between
                      looking at a picture
                          of a family
                              at an evening meal
                      and
                        being there
                            tasting
                                 every
                                     delicious
                                          moment.

                                *******

                                   72

                               As much
                                    of heaven
                                is visible
                                    as we
                                       have eyes
                                          to see.

                                *******

                                   73

                       It is
                            all
                                 as simple
                                     and
                                 as hard
                                     as
                                       this.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                         R E S I S T A N C E S

                                   77

                         Every
                           emotional
                             upset
                               is
                                 a
                                   fight
                                      with
                                         God.

                         He didn't
                             give us
                                  what
                                    we wanted...
                                       again.

                                *******

                                   78

                          Trying to live
                                a peaceful
                                    life with God
                            while holding on
                                to resentment
                            is like
                                trying to live in a house
                                    without
                                        cleaning up
                                            our
                                        messes.

                                *******

                                   79

                   I can't,
                      I won't
                         I have to.
                   You should,
                      I should
                         I shouldn't
                   Why?

                   I would like to, but...

                       sure signs
                           of a warrior
                                who has
                                     lost
                                         his way.

                                *******

                                   80

                        No one
                          that matters
                               ever asked
                                     if you
                                         like it,
                        And
                          they are not
                               likely to
                                   in the
                                       near
                                          future.

                                *******

                                   81

                            Who said
                              it would be
                                      easy?

                            Or, that
                              it would be
                                      hard?

                                *******

                                   82

                     The greatest gift
                       of the Scriptures
                           is that they confound
                                the mind
                                    with different
                                       information.


                     Instead of getting
                       the meassge,
                           we end the lesson
                                with dogma
                                    and certainty,

                       and lose
                           the warrior's gift
                                of not knowing.

                                *******

                                   83

                          Could've...
                              would've...
                                  should've...
                                      might've...

                          Sirens
                              beckoning us
                                  to the rocks
                                      of pain
                                      and despair.

                                *******

                                   84

                      Siren of the night:

                          You are walking with God
                                 because
                             there are no boulders
                                 for you to stumble over
                             nor pebbles
                                 to cut your feet.

                                *******

                                   85

                      Sirens of the day:

                         If you try
                             hard enough
                                 sooner of later
                         you will be rewarded
                             with things just as you
                                 imagined
                                 thought
                                 desired
                                 pictured
                                 conjectured
                                 longed for
                              or hoped for.

                                *******

                                   86

                           Finding
                                the
                                  "right"
                                      church
                            is like
                                 trying
                                     to find
                                 what you always wanted.

                           Good luck.

                                *******

                                   87

                     Churches
                        consist of
                            warriors
                                who are
                                   in one
                                       state of
                                development
                                   or another.

                     Warriors
                        compare
                             to
                               their
                                  eternal
                                       loss.

                                *******

                                   88

                               Warriors
                                  who
                                    talk
                                       a lot...
                                    talk
                                       a lot.

                                *******

                                   89

                           That you
                             are farther along
                                 than I
                             can awaken me
                                 or
                             send me further
                                 into
                                     sleep.

                           It's up
                                to me.

                                *******

                                   90

                              We may not
                                have been
                                     promised
                                        a
                                          rose
                                             garden,
                               but
                                we didn't
                                     count
                                        on this
                                            many
                                              thorns.

                                *******

                                   91

                        We thought
                          we always
                               wanted
                                   love,
                          until
                            it came
                                 to us.

                        Then,
                          we discovered
                               we wanted
                                    safety.

                                *******

                                   92

                            You will
                                 get to
                                     a place
                             where
                                 you know
                                     you
                                       have
                                          a
                                             price...
                                 to drop out.
                            What
                               cost
                                   is
                                     the
                                         price?

                                *******

                                   93

                           A Guru
                             might
                                help...
                             or
                                hinder;

                           So be careful
                             of the
                                 shortcut.

                                *******

                                   94

                           Secrets:
                              the mind's
                                  last
                                     bastion
                              of control.

                                *******

                                   95

                        When
                          I
                           stop
                               working,
                                     "it"
                                        doesn't.
                        Sorry.

                                *******

                                   96

                            Most
                              meditating
                                 is an
                                     escape
                              from living
                                     responsibly
                              right now.


                                *******

                                   97

                        What happened
                             to you
                         the last time
                             you
                               tried
                                   to
                                      escape?

                                *******

                                   98

                          Beware the teacher
                            who promises
                               but
                                  faults you
                            when the
                               promises
                                     are
                                       not
                               delivered.

                                *******

                                   99

                           Look at the things
                             you say yes to.

                           Look at the things
                             you say no to.

                           This is the you
                             you want others
                               to think you are.

                           Is it you?

                                *******

                                  100

                          She is not me.

                             I am not her,
                                 but we are,

                             and that
                                   is a
                                      full-time
                                          job.

                                *******

                                  101

                      Christ is not crucified
                        between two candlesticks
                           every Sunday,
                      but between
                        our willingness
                           and unwillingness
                      to awaken
                        to the promptings
                           of every new
                               moment
                        gifted to us.

                                *******

                                  102

                             I cannot live
                                without
                                    beliefs

                             Trouble is,
                                I have
                                    too many...
                                        unexamined.

                                *******

                                  103

                       Today
                         I am
                             filled
                                  with
                                     charity
                                  and
                                     clarity.

                       Tomorrow?

                                *******

                                  104

                             Sure
                               it's
                                  unfair!
                             Now
                               the
                                  work
                                     begins.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                          P O N D E R I N G S

                                  109

                         Now
                           He is here
                              and here
                                 and here
                                    and here
                           Where am I?

                                *******

                                  110

                        Pastors
                           Priests
                                and
                                  Rabbis
                                     are warriors
                           who
                             thought
                                  they
                                    could find
                                         their path
                           by
                              pointing
                                   it out
                                        to others.
                        Who
                          points
                               to
                                 theirs?

                                *******

                                  111

                       Organised religion
                         can be
                              like
                                  an organised
                                      mind,

                         thinking
                             it can control
                                 the wind.

                                *******

                                  112

                           The fear
                             that you don't think
                                 I am
                                     what I think
                                        I am
                             is enough
                                 for me
                                     to believe
                                 I am a
                                     failure...

                             which I am not.

                                *******

                                  113

                     Why do I forget
                           one life
                              changed history?

                     Is mine
                           so
                             insignificant?

                                *******

                                  114

                         The
                           human
                              mind,
                                  our
                                     blessing
                                  and our
                                     curse.

                         The warrior's
                               challenge:
                           to know which...
                                         when.

                                *******

                                  115

                         Our
                           humanity
                               is
                                  you
                                     being
                                        you
                           and
                              me
                                being
                                     me
                           with
                               no
                                  add
                                     ons.

                                *******

                                  116

                            Want a relationship
                               with God?
                            Forgive Him
                               for not making you
                                   Head of
                                      Life Central.

                            Then
                               watch
                                  what
                                     happens.

                                *******

                                  117

                       Shame
                           is
                             the
                                catalyst
                          of
                            the
                               warrior's
                                    transformation.

                                *******

                                  118


                       Upon reflection
                          of life events,

                       God
                          seems to be
                              an inscrutible
                                  son-of-a-bitch

                       His wonders
                          to perform!

                                *******

                                  119

                     For many
                        orgasmic coming
                             is the highest
                                      ecstacy.

                     For you
                        coming to yourself is.

                                *******

                                  120

               That you will never
                 get all you want
                     is as much a cause
                           for
                              celebration
                                   as
                                      disappointment,

                 once we recall
                     what we wanted
                        just a few years ago.

                                *******

                                  121

                           Lying may get you
                             what you want,

                           but it won't get you
                             what you need.

                           Either way,
                             it will get you.

                                *******

                                  122

                             When
                               will
                                   we
                                     learn?
                               God
                                  won't
                                      fix
                                         it.

                                *******

                                  123

                       Life
                          is perfectly
                               imperfect.

                       This is our
                           first clue
                                about God.

                                *******

                                  124

                Wanting to live forever
                    is the castle keep
                        of the mind,
                    its last
                        domain
                            of omnipotence.

                Strange,
                    how all that is left of castles
                        is their
                            decayed
                               battlements.

                                *******

                                  125

                         Warrior's lament:

                           God slays
                              as he saves.

                           God saves
                              as he slays.

                                *******

                                  126

                         There is no such thing
                           as feeling good
                               or feeling bad.

                         Your mind simply
                           decided it liked
                               or didn't like
                                   what just happened.

                         It's something
                           to be gotten over.

                                *******

                                  127

                    To refuse
                      to hold ill-will
                          against
                              anybody
                                   or
                                     anything
                                          for
                                             any
                                                reason.
                    That is my definition of
                               forgiving 70 x 7.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

                      E N C O U R A G E M E N T S

                                  131

                           Remember:
                             it's all
                                 a process
                             and you
                                 are a
                                     part
                                         of
                                           it.

                                *******

                                  132

                     That
                         we
                            did
                                not
                                   notice
                                         is
                                            no
                                               excuse.
                     That
                         we
                           notice
                                now
                                   is
                                      cause
                                           for
                                              angels
                                                    to
                                                      sing,
                         and pardon us.

                                *******

                                  133

                      The
                         farther out
                             we get
                                the more
                             the necessity
                                to return
                             to the essentials.

                                *******

                                  134

                      I do not so much
                          free another
                             when I forgive,
                      as release
                          myself
                             from my own
                                poison.

                                *******

                                  135

                      When
                        I admit
                            I don't know...

                      I know.

                                *******

                                  136

                       When the door
                         you insist be opened
                            to you,

                         is recognised as a wall,

                         maybe you'll find
                            a door to open.

                                *******

                                  137

                       Greatness of character
                           or achievement
                               is ignited
                           and fueled
                               by a
                           great purpose.

                                *******

                                  138

                      I have always made mistakes.
                      I always will make mistakes.

                      They have always made mistakes.
                      They always will make mistakes.

                      So what is new?

                      I've stopped blaming
                          and making both them and me
                             wrong
                                 for
                                   doing so.

                      I'm learning
                         to forgive.

                                *******

                                  139

                          The Master Game for
                            warriors
                               is about the
                                    distillation
                               of our essence.

                          There is nothing
                            that is not
                               about that.

                                *******

                                  140

                             Pay attention
                               to silence.

                             It has a voice
                               of its own.

                                *******

                                  141

                        When
                           all
                             else
                                fails,
                         look
                             for
                                the
                                   humour
                                      of
                                        it.
                        We
                          are
                             seeking
                                  what
                                     has
                                  already been given.

                                *******

                                  142

                           Remember yourself.

                             If you forget
                                 remember
                                    yourself.

                                 That's all.

                                *******

                                  143

               From about half past ten
                  in the evening
                      until about twelve midnight
                          F I R E

               God of Abraham,
                  God of Isaac,
                     God of Jacob,

               Not the philosophers and scholars.

               Certainty. Certainty. Feeling. Joy.
                   P E A C E
                       Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy.

                                        -- Blaise Pascal
                                           found sewn in his
                                           doublet at his death