WORDS FROM WOMEN..........

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde.
		- Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see 
a smart woman with a dumb guy.
		- Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends
told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do
anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours.
		- Rita Rudner

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job.
		- Roseanne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
		- Rita Rudner

I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That
was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
		- Susie Loucks

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a
macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
		- Judy Tenuta

He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant
		- Carol Leifer

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
		- Wendy Liebman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
		- Erma Bombeck

If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them.
		- Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
		- Roseanne

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair
under my arms instead.
		- Sue Kolinsky

I look just like the girls next door ... if you happen to live next
door to an amusement park.
		- Dolly Parton

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's
because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?
		- Wendy Liebman

I think-therefore I'm single
		- Lizz Winstead

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and
look stupid."
		- Hedy Lamarr

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country."
		- Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
		- Gilda Radner

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
		- Maryon Pearson

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as
an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly
promoted as a male schlemiel."
		- Bella Abzug

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want
anything done, ask a woman."
		- Margaret Thatcher

"If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose
Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary."
		- Margaret Atwood

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage
and a career."
		- Gloria Steinhem

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."
		- Gloria Steinhem

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps
they should live next door and just visit now and then."
		- Katharine Hepburn

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls
every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that
comes home late at night."
		- Marie Corelli

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths."
		- Baroness Edith Summerskill

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around
your neck?"
		- Linda Ellerbee

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his
house."
		- Zsa Zsa Gabor