1 Corinthians 13, by Jesse "The Pope" Ventura Brother, I tell you, you talk sweet, but you don't have the power, and I'm gonna ring you like a bell!! You don't need to be Nostradamus to know what's gonna happen--you can dream about moving this mountain, but without the power, you're nothing!! You'd better make your will and arrange for a cremation, because they're not gonna want an open-casket funeral when I'm done with you! The power is impatient to be unkind to you; the power makes you jealous of me, because I have it; it's worth boasting about! Call me arrogant, call me rude--I'll have my own way, because I have the power! Does that make you mad?! Resent this! I rejoice in the wrong I'm about to do to you, because it will feel soo right! The power will get you in a bear hug, and belive me, brother, you'd better hope you've got what it takes to endure the steaming plate of punishment I'm dishing out! The power never ends; your predictions will be crushed, your tongue will stop flapping, and everything you know will not begin to prepare you for the intense pain that awaits you in the ring! For you are imperfect, your posse is imperfect; I am the perfect one that has come to sweep you away! When I was an amateur, I talked trash like an amateur, I wrestled like an amateur; but now I'm a man! I'm *the* man! And I'm going to make you cry like a baby! Now you see me through your dark glasses, but in the ring we'll be face to face, man to man, and then you will hear what I'm saying, brother! Now you know part of what I'm saying, but in the ring you will understand fully the meaning of the word "pain"! Fear, pain, and power abide, these three, but the greatest of these is POWER! Fear the power, brother!!! Fear this!! I'm going to get Old Testament on your ass!! Aaarrgghh!!! [Grimacing, yanks off mitre and rips it in half. Grabs golden shepherd's crook and snaps it over knee. Rips off collar and rends mantle. Points to exposed bicep, still grimacing, twitching occasionally. Fade to "Great Schism 98" logo.]