S I G N S O F L I F E : Mental Touchstones for the Warrior of the Spirit by: K. Bradford Brown =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- AUTHOR'S PREFACE The sequence in this book expresses the progress of my own inner journey. This is not the story of a disciple, or a guru. It records the early stages on a path of inner development, a personal experience of the work of becoming a warrior of the spirit. These pieces now act for me as a spark for further thinking and reflection, for a kind of inner magical probing. They come with an invitation to step onto that path, and probe its meanings as they relate to the meanings of your own life. All the thoughts in this book are my own, yet the ideas of many people are inherent in each sentence. I acknowledge my teachers, family, and the many friends who will recognise their contribution to the spirit of these pages. A very special acknowledgement is due to David Templer and Maggie Spooner for the energy and vision which has brought these books to publication. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I N T R O D U C T I O N MENTAL TOUCHSTONES FOR THE WARRIOR OF THE SPIRIT. In this final volume, the author develops his vision of the life of the spiritual warrior. This does not involve aprocess of detachment, or a philosophical withdrawal into a separate world, or even a rejection of the values of the world. Rather, it involves a special kind of engagement with those values, a commitment to living fully and unconditionally in the everyday, to honouring what the theologian Martin Buber has called 'the holy treasure of our actuality'. In a sense, a spiritual warrior battles with the very idea of 'spirituality' itself, and with every system of ideas or ritual behaviour that mitigates or conditions our experience of life. What is fundamental is the encounter with the truth of each occurrence and of every occasion, and the necessity of meeting that encounter with the whole of one's being. To be willing to take a stand against the lies, fictions and projections of the mind is also to take a stand for an intimately lived relationship with the reality of each moment, and for a whole and undiminished response. Through this lived relationship, the true spirit of a person can develop. A spiritual warrior confronts the lies of the world with the truths of the heart, and in this struggle, the sacred gift of our humanity is revealed. As the author has written: "Our humanity and our divinity are married, when we are ourselves." David Templer ***** I am indebted to the following mentors We shall not cease from exploration And the end of our exploring Will be to arrive where we started, And know the place for the first time. --TS Eliot It is not a life that we live, it is a life that want to live in us It is not a life that we lead It is a life that wants to lead us It is not a life we create with our facts and feelings, It is life as a gift we need only to open ourselves to receive. --Parker Palmer-- A Quaker =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- M O V E M E N T S 3 We live at the edge of consciousness, seldom noticing what is going on outside of us or within. It is a waking sleep to be overcome. ****** 4 We forget who we are, but we are not forgotten. Every breath, every heart beat calls out from within. Every sound every touch calls from without: Wake up! ******* 5 When I make a move within the whole cosmos makes a shift. I can feel it... somehow. ******* 6 I am. You are. Life is. I don't have to know a lot more. ******* 7 One of my hopes for me is you. ******* 8 Your whole life is like playing a game of hide and seek. The goal is for you to find yourself. ******* 9 The short cut in this work is probably the long way around. ******* 10 The question of trusting you with me is not it. The question of trusting me with you is. Given you and me that is an act of faith. ******* 11 When I live through my most noble intentions I am literally pulled through life. ******* 12 All you have to give up is what doesn't work, and it's not that much. ******* 13 Did I create myself ready for this path? Or, was it that last kick in the pants? ******* 14 No is not a dirty word. It has cleared up many a dirty mess and prevented more. ******* 15 I don't want to be good or perfect. I'll settle for being graceful. ******* 16 Practice, Practice, Practice. I hated it then. I hate it now, until I remember my last sonata. ******* 17 I can live without expectations. It looks like changing them to preferences. ******* 18 Telling you the truth about us is relieving. Telling you the truth about me is a little death. ******* 19 I get in trouble communicating when I forget that people have minds like mine. ******* 20 We are always taking a stand about something. Every event requires it. The question is did we notice the stand we took? ******* 21 When everything else fails stop what you are doing to correct it. That's probably the problem. ******* 22 Fear is nothing to be afraid of. I made it up. ****** 23 Warrior's slogan: "Here be no dragons." ******* 24 Freedom is what I thought it wasn't... being totally harnessed to the ebb and flow of everything. ******* 25 I choose to live my life as if I were choosing for the whole world. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- E X P L O R A T I O N S 29 The spiritual warrior does battle with . . . ? That is the warrior's battle. ******* 30 In life there is death. In death there is life. When this we rightly know safely through the world we go. ******* 31 God never makes it easy for anyone or hard either. ******* 32 To experience my experience is my most elusive experience. When I do I enter a difference within myself which can only be described as o - o - o - h. ******* 33 When "it" happens a crystalline sound announces its prescence, and silence its departure. ******* 34 What you seek today is not it. What you seek tomorrow is not it. No matter. You have been sought and that matters ultimately. ******* 35 It is time to enter the dragon's lair and slay the lie. ******* 36 Forgiving others is an act of will. Forgiving yourself is an act of God. ******* 37 My spiritual friend accepts me as I am, and empowers me to be more than I think I can be. ******* 38 The road to hell isn't paved with good intentions, but with distractions from the path of intention. ******* 39 That we shall rise from the dead is no idle promise. It is going on every moment around us. ******* 40 The important changes are going on in spite of you. That doesn't change your responsibility to do your work. ******* 41 The unexamined mind slays the best in us while the best in us harnesses the powers of the mind to be aligned with the cosmos. ******* 42 It is not that God is powerful. It is that He is holy that makes the difference. ******* 43 Sacrifice means to make a thing holy. I always thought it meant to suffer. ******* 44 A clear mind is a warrior's beginning and end. The rest is up to what comes next. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- D I S C O V E R I E S 49 I looked for God everywhere until I noticed God found me everywhere I looked. ******* 50 Warrior's tonic: Large doses of gratitude. ******* 51 Life is very subtle. It looks like itself when it comes to you. That is why you often don't get the message. ******* 52 Claiming the dark times as Grace is the work most of us fail to do. That is the reason there is so much darkness. We need the practice. ******* 53 God is that which comes to us from out of the unknown with the gifts of life. ******* 54 That we think we know how anything ought to be is killing us, slowly. ******* 55 Take your destiny as seriously as if you had a gun at your head. ******* 56 Judgements kill. When I make myself or others wrong something dies. It used to be called charity. ******* 57 Noticing the disparity between what we say and what we do is the first sign of hope. ******* 58 The multitudinous churches mean well. They just forgot what they mean. ******* 59 I have found the enemy, and he is not me, nor he. ******* 60 When I am I and you are you we resonate like a tuning fork. ******* 61 Have you found one person to whom you can tell the whole truth about you? If not, what are you hiding and why? ******* 62 The fear of humiliation is pride's bed partner. ******* 63 Your results are, in fact, your true intentions. ******* 64 Given the lies we live, there is only one explanation why we survive: the absolute love of God which sustains us . . . in spite of ourselves. ******* 65 Fortunately, we may only see the path, and not the whole journey. ******* 66 Anger is a furnished room always waiting to be occupied. ******* 67 You're uncomfortable? So what? Go tell it to the stars. See if they move. ******* 68 Spiritual work is what a warrior does to make himself think that he is doing something So that something can be done in spite of him. ******* 69 The lone spiritual warrior is a lonely spiritual warrior. ******* 70 Faith often looks like willingness to hang in doing what you are doing and being what you are being right now. ******* 71 The experience of Jesus is the difference between looking at a picture of a family at an evening meal and being there tasting every delicious moment. ******* 72 As much of heaven is visible as we have eyes to see. ******* 73 It is all as simple and as hard as this. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- R E S I S T A N C E S 77 Every emotional upset is a fight with God. He didn't give us what we wanted... again. ******* 78 Trying to live a peaceful life with God while holding on to resentment is like trying to live in a house without cleaning up our messes. ******* 79 I can't, I won't I have to. You should, I should I shouldn't Why? I would like to, but... sure signs of a warrior who has lost his way. ******* 80 No one that matters ever asked if you like it, And they are not likely to in the near future. ******* 81 Who said it would be easy? Or, that it would be hard? ******* 82 The greatest gift of the Scriptures is that they confound the mind with different information. Instead of getting the meassge, we end the lesson with dogma and certainty, and lose the warrior's gift of not knowing. ******* 83 Could've... would've... should've... might've... Sirens beckoning us to the rocks of pain and despair. ******* 84 Siren of the night: You are walking with God because there are no boulders for you to stumble over nor pebbles to cut your feet. ******* 85 Sirens of the day: If you try hard enough sooner of later you will be rewarded with things just as you imagined thought desired pictured conjectured longed for or hoped for. ******* 86 Finding the "right" church is like trying to find what you always wanted. Good luck. ******* 87 Churches consist of warriors who are in one state of development or another. Warriors compare to their eternal loss. ******* 88 Warriors who talk a lot... talk a lot. ******* 89 That you are farther along than I can awaken me or send me further into sleep. It's up to me. ******* 90 We may not have been promised a rose garden, but we didn't count on this many thorns. ******* 91 We thought we always wanted love, until it came to us. Then, we discovered we wanted safety. ******* 92 You will get to a place where you know you have a price... to drop out. What cost is the price? ******* 93 A Guru might help... or hinder; So be careful of the shortcut. ******* 94 Secrets: the mind's last bastion of control. ******* 95 When I stop working, "it" doesn't. Sorry. ******* 96 Most meditating is an escape from living responsibly right now. ******* 97 What happened to you the last time you tried to escape? ******* 98 Beware the teacher who promises but faults you when the promises are not delivered. ******* 99 Look at the things you say yes to. Look at the things you say no to. This is the you you want others to think you are. Is it you? ******* 100 She is not me. I am not her, but we are, and that is a full-time job. ******* 101 Christ is not crucified between two candlesticks every Sunday, but between our willingness and unwillingness to awaken to the promptings of every new moment gifted to us. ******* 102 I cannot live without beliefs Trouble is, I have too many... unexamined. ******* 103 Today I am filled with charity and clarity. Tomorrow? ******* 104 Sure it's unfair! Now the work begins. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- P O N D E R I N G S 109 Now He is here and here and here and here Where am I? ******* 110 Pastors Priests and Rabbis are warriors who thought they could find their path by pointing it out to others. Who points to theirs? ******* 111 Organised religion can be like an organised mind, thinking it can control the wind. ******* 112 The fear that you don't think I am what I think I am is enough for me to believe I am a failure... which I am not. ******* 113 Why do I forget one life changed history? Is mine so insignificant? ******* 114 The human mind, our blessing and our curse. The warrior's challenge: to know which... when. ******* 115 Our humanity is you being you and me being me with no add ons. ******* 116 Want a relationship with God? Forgive Him for not making you Head of Life Central. Then watch what happens. ******* 117 Shame is the catalyst of the warrior's transformation. ******* 118 Upon reflection of life events, God seems to be an inscrutible son-of-a-bitch His wonders to perform! ******* 119 For many orgasmic coming is the highest ecstacy. For you coming to yourself is. ******* 120 That you will never get all you want is as much a cause for celebration as disappointment, once we recall what we wanted just a few years ago. ******* 121 Lying may get you what you want, but it won't get you what you need. Either way, it will get you. ******* 122 When will we learn? God won't fix it. ******* 123 Life is perfectly imperfect. This is our first clue about God. ******* 124 Wanting to live forever is the castle keep of the mind, its last domain of omnipotence. Strange, how all that is left of castles is their decayed battlements. ******* 125 Warrior's lament: God slays as he saves. God saves as he slays. ******* 126 There is no such thing as feeling good or feeling bad. Your mind simply decided it liked or didn't like what just happened. It's something to be gotten over. ******* 127 To refuse to hold ill-will against anybody or anything for any reason. That is my definition of forgiving 70 x 7. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- E N C O U R A G E M E N T S 131 Remember: it's all a process and you are a part of it. ******* 132 That we did not notice is no excuse. That we notice now is cause for angels to sing, and pardon us. ******* 133 The farther out we get the more the necessity to return to the essentials. ******* 134 I do not so much free another when I forgive, as release myself from my own poison. ******* 135 When I admit I don't know... I know. ******* 136 When the door you insist be opened to you, is recognised as a wall, maybe you'll find a door to open. ******* 137 Greatness of character or achievement is ignited and fueled by a great purpose. ******* 138 I have always made mistakes. I always will make mistakes. They have always made mistakes. They always will make mistakes. So what is new? I've stopped blaming and making both them and me wrong for doing so. I'm learning to forgive. ******* 139 The Master Game for warriors is about the distillation of our essence. There is nothing that is not about that. ******* 140 Pay attention to silence. It has a voice of its own. ******* 141 When all else fails, look for the humour of it. We are seeking what has already been given. ******* 142 Remember yourself. If you forget remember yourself. That's all. ******* 143 From about half past ten in the evening until about twelve midnight F I R E God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, Not the philosophers and scholars. Certainty. Certainty. Feeling. Joy. P E A C E Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy. -- Blaise Pascal found sewn in his doublet at his death