*** Fun With Phone Solicitors ***
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 Here are a few ways you can get back to those phone solicitors that
 wake you up in the middle of well-deserved late-saturday-morning sleep
 and have some fun along the way:
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* "First, you have to tell me what kind of underwear you're wearing."

* Pretend like you are having a phone sex (especially when the caller
   is of the same sex as you). Breath heavily and say "Oh yeah, baby" and
   "Tell me more" often. Simulate an orgasm.

* "I'm sorry, but I'm really busy right now. Give me your home phone
    number and I'll call you back later tonight. Hello?"

* If it is an insurance solicitation, ask questions about
   end-of-the-world insurance, optional asteroid, black hole and
   sun-goes-supernova coverages, or an Alien Abduction Insurance.

* Try to sell them some made-up products like socks with the hood or
   rubberband-powered blender.

* Pretend that you recognize caller as one of your friends playing
   joke on you. Begin discussing personal questions. Make sure that
   opponent have no chance to interrupt.

* Fall asleep (that's what I do). When they wake you up with the
   question, explain that you fell asleep and ask them to start over.
   Repeat.

* Put your cat on the phone. Explain that cat makes all the decisions
   in the house.

* Pretend to be offended (sexually, religiously, morally, etc.) by the
   offer. Act outraged and try to get caller's name and address.

* Simulate an ununderstandable foreign accent. Especially effective if
   you DO have an accent.

* Speak in made-up language.

* "Shh. Wait a minute. I'm here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the
   owners just got home. Can you hold?" Sound effects of following
   shots/screams are optional.

* Pretend that you are shooting your dog (requires some sound
   effects).

* When someone asks whether a spouse is at home: "Yes, but I never
   allow her (him) to talk to strangers."

* Start crying and scream: "Mo-o-o-m, he/she's doing it again!"

* When someone asks how your are: "Well, I'm having an existential
   crisis at the moment. Let me explain......."

* Pretend (or not) that you have a multiple personality disorder.
   Start arguing with your other personalities about the offer. Start a
   fight.

* If you have a caller ID or using a *69 option, call the solicitor
   back with your own "offer you can't refuse".

* Repeat the one above at 5 A.M.

* Put the caller "on hold" and play some obnoxious elevator music to
   the phone. If no such music is available, Danzig or Marilyn Manson
   will suffice.

* "You want to sell me insurance? I've been trying to get insurance
   for years, but nobody will sell me any!"

* To a salesperson hawking a rug-cleaning service, whisper: "Do you
   get goat's blood out? How about identifiable fibers and that DNA
   stuff?"

* To a phone company solicitor: "That sounds GREAT! Wait, can you hold
   for a minute?" (Leave the phone off the hook until they hang up.)