It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

Technology is simply a means of manipulating the world so you
don't have to experience it.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just
sit there.

An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. 
A pessimist fears that this is true.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them
that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

I don't get even, I get odder.

I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

A day without sunshine is like night.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

If it weren't for me, there'd just be a pile of my clothes on the
floor.