PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS
Excerpts from honest-to-goodness, real Performance Reviews:

* "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
   started to dig."
* "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
* "I would not allow this employee to breed."
* "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
   definite won't be."
* "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat
   in a trap."
* "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
* "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
* "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
* "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
   them."
* "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
* "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
* "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
* "A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
* "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
* "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
* "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
* "He would argue with a signpost."
* "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
* "When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell."
* "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
* "A Photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
* "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
* "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
* "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
* "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
* "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
* "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
* "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
* "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
* "One neuron short of a synapse."
* "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled."
* "Takes him 1 1/2 hour to watch 60 minutes."
* "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."