ACTUAL Announcements Taken from Church Bulletins:
     
1) Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
     
2) Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
     
3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and 
community.
     
4) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a 
nursery downstairs.
     
5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of 
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
     
6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends 
of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
     
7) Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies 
giving milk will please come early.
     
8) Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will 
sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
     
9) Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers 
Club.  All wishing to become  Little Mothers, please see the minister in 
his private study.
     
10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward 
and lay an egg on the altar.
     
11) The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the 
ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
     
12) Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the 
cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet 
will come forward and get a piece of paper.
     
13) The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and 
they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
     
14) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. 
Music will follow.
     
15) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is 
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
     
16) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian 
Church.  Please use large double door at the side entrance.
     
17) The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
     
18) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church 
secretary.
     
19) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition 
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
     
20) Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
     
21) The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who 
enjoys sinning to join the choir.
     
22) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing 
for the girth of their first child.
     
23) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be 
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
     
24) The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed 
potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
     
25) The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign 
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."